Research shows that 1 in 4 Australians experience loneliness. It’s something many of us quietly live with, yet rarely speak about.
Loneliness can arise for many reasons—poor health, cultural differences, mental health conditions, or living in remote areas. But what if you’re an active, social person and still feel lonely?
Sometimes it happens when family members have grown up, moved away, or become busy with their own lives. At other times, loneliness can follow the loss of loved ones, and for women especially, it can show up even when surrounded by family, work, and commitments.When life gets busy, we can lose connection with ourselves.
Over-working, striving to be perfect, or carrying the weight of expectations can lead to feelings of being unseen or unheard. This hidden form of loneliness can slowly escalate, affecting health, relationships, and communication within families.
The good news is: loneliness is not a life sentence. With awareness and gentle self-inquiry, you can begin to understand where it stems from and create new ways of connecting—with yourself and with others.
My Own Journey with Loneliness
For me, loneliness is not just something I’ve studied—it’s something I’ve lived. Raising two children on my own while also running a business brought moments of deep joy, but also times of isolation. The responsibility felt heavy, and the expectations—both my own and those I believed others had of me—were often overwhelming.There were days when I felt unseen, as though I had to hold everything together without showing cracks. And yet, it was in those very moments of struggle that I began to do the inner work.
By turning toward myself with compassion and curiosity, I discovered the tools and practices that helped me break these old patterns.This is why I’m so passionate about supporting other women: because I know first-hand how loneliness can creep in, even when your life looks “full” from the outside—and I also know the freedom that comes from healing these patterns.
Using Compassionate Inquiry to Recognise Patterns of LonelinessCompassionate Inquiry, a therapeutic approach developed by Dr. Gabor Maté, offers powerful strategies for working with loneliness. It invites you to slow down, turn inward, and gently ask:
“What is really happening inside me right now?”
Here are some strategies you can try:
Notice the body’s signals
Loneliness often shows up physically—tightness in the chest, a sinking feeling in the stomach, or fatigue. Bringing gentle awareness to your body helps you recognise the first signs, before they spiral.
Name the emotions beneath lonelinessInstead of pushing the feeling away, pause and ask yourself: “What am I really feeling? Sadness? Fear? A sense of not being valued?” Naming emotions creates clarity and self-compassion.
Explore the story you are telling yourself
Compassionate Inquiry encourages you to ask:
“What am I believing right now?” For example: “I’m not important” or “I must always be strong.” Becoming aware of these patterns is the first step to shifting them.Reconnect with your true needs.
Behind loneliness, there is often a longing—for connection, rest, or simply to be seen as you are. Gently acknowledge your need without judgment.Practice self-kindness.
Instead of criticising yourself for feeling lonely, offer compassion: “It’s okay that I feel this way. I am human, and my needs matter.” This creates the foundation for healthier relationships with others.
Moving Forward
Loneliness can feel heavy, but it can also be an invitation—a call to reconnect with yourself and others in new ways. By recognising your patterns through Compassionate Inquiry, you can soften self-judgment, strengthen communication, and create more meaningful connections.Remember, loneliness doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s simply a signal asking you to pause, look within, and offer yourself the compassion you truly deserve.
If this resonates with you and you’d like gentle support in exploring your own patterns, I’d love to guide you. Through counselling, coaching, hypnotherapy, I help women navigate loneliness, release old patterns, and rediscover a deeper sense of connection.You don’t have to walk this path alone—reach out and let’s take the first step together.
Bringing love back to your soul
Deb
Debbie Paul – Neidra Wellness Centre
Sometimes the most empowering step is reaching out for support. I’m Debbie Paull, a qualified Counsellor based in Perth, Western Australia, and I specialise in working with women who are ready to create real and lasting change.
https://www.consciouslivingdirectory.com.au/australia/debbie-paull/western-australia
Read more articles by Debbie https://neidrawellnesscenter.com/blog
